Angeldeathdarkness's Xanga

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 20:05:07 GMT

hey guys,so sorry i haven't been on here,stupid crap going on at school...stupid guy...you know who i'm talking about...but yeah he still is being weird...stupid wicked weirdo...i hate him...or at least i wish i did...i wish i could...whatever..go to the myspace.com,i thought it would be stupid but it's not...sign up...and find me...my name on there is ren'ee look it up...later!!!!

current mood:

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 21:35:33 GMT

Hey dudes and dudettes... whats going on...sorry i haven't been on in such a long time but i had some issues to deal with first....hey all you peeps from groveland.....you guys have got to keep in touch....cuz it's freakin' me out mannnn.....like totally trippyness going on....dude guess what i get to chill with speedy and megan and bobby today after school at the palor and then we are gonna kick it at my house after....aint that kewl?yeah well,maybe speedy won't ditch me today eh?He did yesterday...he didnt show up or even call until youth group and he was even late for THAT!but hey as long as it happens today as planned it's all good....it's all god!Signing off...late!

-the voice inside your head that you don't listen to...-

--In and out--

~*~Knacko~*~

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 03:51:18 GMT

*Turns mic on and cracks knuckles*

ok,first of all, i have to thank my sponsers.....thank you brain...thank you fingers...thank you man who made them,god ...love ya....and now...

Ok now i need to sya sorry to megan and speedy(not shure him) but mike....look,i was really pissed off,and i took it out on you guys...but you know what....mike you did let me down but it's kewl since i talked wiht you,maybe now you'll see and understand that you are a friend to me,even if you dont feel the same way about me...and megan you need to realize that i was here before your boyfriend and i should come first in everything...and it's not fair when you dedicate your whole attention to him,you have two best friends....and one sister...(actually two but shutup)....and i feel left out sumtimes...ok?And as for speedy...you butthead!You left me at home when you went over chaz's....what a jerk!And when are you ever gonna hang out with me?I'm starting to feel like that forty bucks i spent on your stupid airsoft gun meant nothing....wel,i'll tell you what i coulda used that money!!!!anway...i gotta go...i'm witnessing foamy....but chill out till' i speak witch you again....late....

-in and out-

*mic off*

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 01:17:17 GMT

Hey hey hey,it's NEW YEAR'S!!!! and guess where i'm at?Home!.....yep....cuz all my "friends" would rather be places without me than TRY and comfort me....yup...my mom just cussed me out for aboput an hour and where's speedy?oh yeah that's right i haven't heard from him cuz of his stupid freaking job!And megan,yeah my best friend she is over at her Boyfriends house cuz he is just so much more important then soemone who supposedly got her closer to god and made her give up cutting and made her give up cussing...yeah....but it's kewl,on account that the world doesnt revolve around me yes i'm very much aware but ya know what?I only have two close friends...and they don't even want to help me out,tell yeah the truth....found yet another razor...while i was lookin' for duct tape in my dad's garage....yeah but no one cares about andy's problems nah no way?who's andy?Oh wait wasn't she that girl tellin us about a bunch of crap at youth one nigyht?....yeah but who cares...she prolly made it all up right?WRONG!I DIDN'T...I WENT THROUGH SOME CREEPY ASS SHIT!Things that made the devil happy as hell,but no one cares....cuz i'm yesterday's trash...i'm alone....i'm the wicked one that everyone must scorn and hate....and you know what i'm sorry god for cussing,i'm sorry for even thinking fo going back to cutitng cuz ya know what you stupid people...it's all about god?and we always seem to forget that....but ya know what else?i didnt....for once i didnt feel alone cuz i thought of him....but then megan sees me online and i start talking to her...try to tell her whats up with me.....but she has to run to her lil' b/f to chill with him for the night....yeah meg it's kewl....cuz when your at your lil' boy's house...i'm sitting here...alone....and an another hour about to be yelled at again...but dont feel bad meg...your not my babysitter...but you are my friend.....and you made a choice tonite....a coice that i'm not gonna let you forget "andy,would you ever ditch me for duncan?"-"nah,or any other guy for that matter,what about you...would you ditch me?"-"no way...never...."......never eh?megan you member that lil' chat?yeah well,i kept my end...but tonite....you broke yours chalupa....or whatever you cna call yourself now....we'll be bound cuz a god...but we anit bound by friendship....oh and mike?if you ever get the brains to read this....at youth group....on the 29th.....your little girlfriend wouldnt shut up...and i was having some serious probs...and i was talking with my father....my god! and all i could hear was that stupid brat and her sister...and you!....i told them to be quiet...i didnt say it mean i didnt do noghting....and her sister called me a bitch along with a dirty little look form kirisa....but you too obsessed to even stick up for one of your so called friends.....but you know what...chicks pass mike...and friends are there forever....so when you get dumped.....or you wise up and dump her...you'll see....that you were never there for me...your so called friend...i thought of you as a best friend for a long ass time.....but you always hurt me....and let me down...but you know what....i still love you......cuz i have to......cuz god wants me too.....but if i weren't a god chick.....you'd be gone...as i wish you would be....and even though you treat me like crap....i forgive you...whether you wnat to admit it or not....oh and speedy?yo whenever you find it in your bus little schedule for an 'ol friend'....she really needs a.s.a.p.....that is if you still care....

......you wanna know some last crap?....i'm out....late....

Monday, December 20, 2004

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 01:21:37 GMT

hey guys guess what?I went to the dance....and it was great!I actually felt like maybe just maybe i could stop a few people and just make them stare...well,that didn't really happen...well,ok fine a few heads turned but all i got as in compliments was "oh wow you look good andy"....and even from my date...speedy,which was the one i wanted to wow the most...all he said was "yeah you look good"....GOOD?GOOD IS ALL I GET?I SPENT 2 HOURS PREPARING MAKE-UP,THE DRESS THE SHOES THE JEWLERY THE HAIR STYLE HAIR CUT...EVERYTHING AND GOOD?*breathes deeply* goosfrabba...thnaks meg...but dude...and than if that wasn't enough with him...me and speedy didnt freak dance..actually creepy enough he danced with mike...but w/e but when we slow danced it was prolly the best times of the dance...i felt like it wasn't my life for a second...when i was slow dancing with him all my problems just dissapeared...it was the feeling like i got when i cut..but better i felt more happy not as relieved just...pure happiness.....wish he knew that though.There was one time i thought he was having the same feeling...when i could feel his head on mine.But i bet i was wrong...i was the only one having those feelings...as usual,the only thing he said to me when we were dancing was "your hair is all sticky cuz your hairspray" What is that a joke?UGH tlak 'bout moment busters man come on!I was in the middle of a dream and he goes and makes me feels embarrassed....ugh...*slpas herself*...what was i thinking anyway...right?I mean...when i am truely happy soemhtign always goes wrong..and if speedy even had a clue....that i felt like that...he'd prolly drift away again...you know he once told me "nothing could make me like you less,you can only go up"...yeah well am i far enough up man?I love him as a friend but after that moment aftre moment...i felt somehting...but that something was um...how they say...one way...it was all me...i dont even think he had enough fun to want to go again with me...oh how i screw things up...but besides that whole scene i had fun...especailly since i tried being nice to mike's date...and she still glared at me the whole time...i feel bad for mike....when that chcik danced with him she had one arm around his neck not even touhing and the other arm by HER side...messed...she doesn't see how lucky she is to have a guy like mike...but how come all the nice guys go for chciks that aren't good enough for them?Guys like mike deserve a girl that'll treat them right and be a great not decent but great g/f to them....i've come to understand maybe that's why god won't let me have speedy...cuz i'm not good enough...prolly...anyway on a brighter note my day sucked today cuz i went to church and meg wasn't there...i didn't get to say what i had said over and over agian in my head to speedy,russel still looked said and he is heart-broken over another chcik that's stupid for not seeing russel for the guy he is...and to make matters worse my family ahtes me again..love y'all peace out...layta...

-in and out-

andrea the other side of andy...

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 17:07:10 GMT

hey guys thanks for your rpayers...cuz it worked!me and him are going to the dance and hopefully if megan ever asks her mom...me and her are going shopping to get my my hair cut and my ears peirced...fun eh?

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 21:37:15 GMT

hey guys...you know the dance?well,like i said the only thing i need is a date right?well,i asked him...i asked speedy...but he kept making up excuses till i told him how much it meant to me(not a guilt trip cross my heart....what's left nayway heh heh..)but yeah then he said he was pretty sure he didn't work he'd check and call me today...dude i am so sad...i want to know...i am so excited about this dance...sinc ei'm getting all dressed up and it's gonna be my one moment to shine in the spotilght for a good reason...a positive one and i wnat speedy to be with me...one night i want all my friedns to be with me in my moment...i just hope he can go...i means sooooo much to me...if he knew...i'm sure he wouldn't miss it for the world....as my best friend.....he needs to go...i love him and would love him even more if he went....which is saying alot!yay?pray for me...layta

-in an out- (current mood...)

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 19:50:44 GMT

hey guys....i'm going to the winter formal dance!ain't that great?I am wearing a big PINK FLUFFY SPARKLY DRESS....with no jewlery ecept purty stuff,my hair all purty and everything...make-up even the works!but....i needy a date....i am thinking of two people but ugh...rejection...

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 21:19:16 GMT

dudes.....dudettes....whatever....i miss speedy....i still see him but knowing that i can't call him or see him when i want is unbearable...if he knew how much i misss him would he care?Would he be flattered?....he shoyuld be....if any other guy knew how much i'd miss him like i do speedy i'm shure his ego would grow....alot....but i'm glad speedy isn't like that but i want my speedy back!!!!!*cries....turns off mic and runs out of the box*

Monday, November 29, 2004

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 21:30:45 GMT

Fall with me to the core of my mind

Don't even try to rationalize it away

Strip away the world

For in my mind you must be blind to see

You must fall to fly

Don't talk

Don't play

Don't think

Just...

Dance with me in my mind until eternity sweeps us away into the voice that is my soul,

Maybe then you will understand, or see me as I see me... see me as who I really am

Dance with me among these catacombs of thought

Among the myriad of graves

Here lies a hope, rest in peace

There lies a dream, we knew you well

Farewell! My Lost, rest where you lie!

Come with me to wander amongst my dear, dead dreams

Perhaps you will find a piece of me I lost

There are so many

You wish to understand me, or so you say

But in this Void you cannot just think

Or try to know

You must dance with me to know...

Feel my passion,

Live with me, love with me,

Dream with me, die with me

For every chord there is a song,

For every dream there is a reality.

With a thought, with a word, there is a verse in forming.

With a gesture, with a touch, there is a new dance awaiting.

Fall with me to the very core of my mind

Forget what you knew

Understand that this is who I am

Your sanity may be my madness

Your comfort may be my pain

Try to see the beauty in the bastard

The diamond in the damned

Try to see me in the light of my darkness

Try to see me as who I really am

Ah, you cannot depart! The Dance is not done!

You think too much.

this is another weird poem...but this one reallt made me think some of it is stupid and korny yes but the idea....for someone to see you as you see yourself....you know how wonderful that would be?If soemone saw me how i saw myself then that owuld be worse cuz i think i'm quite ugly but...you get the idea...for now i dont think i'm so bad...that was my mean half tlaking aloud...i beg you to make it stop...someone tlak to me so i can't tlak to myself....

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